On the verge of getting converted to Darth Veda from Anakin Skywalker

Often when I am alone, I think about myself. And on the thought process analyze myself, my nature, my transformations. I have been doing that for quite a few years now. I often try to relate myself to any character with whom my nature would resemble. It varies mostly from every now and then, but recently I was able to relate myself to the young and famous Zedi from the very famous "Star Wars" movies, none other than "Anakin Skywalker".

Anakin is the central character of Star Wars around whom the story revolves, he is the boy who can bring balance to the force, he is a miracle, a wonder with maximum count of midichlorians in his blood to influence the force to his will. On the other hand he is the one most vulnerable, he is the one who will be the greatest villain of all time, he will be the one everyone hates. Yet, he is the one who will ultimately bring balance to the force and despite all the evil incorporated and ensemled in him, in his deepest root a truth, a good remains always which can only be supressed for some time but can never be eliminated. With little help of sympathy, little emotional stress, the good will prevail and destroy the ultimate evil once and for ever.

At one point Anakin was the poster boy, he was the one getting all attention, but he seeked power faster than he was matured of. He turned good to evil with one extreme emotional stress in the form of loss of his much beloved wife, senator "Padme Amidala", but the loss was because of his own anger only and the disability to think clear and act in haste. He himself was the reason for the destruction of his wife. She simply lost her will to survive as she was horrified by the change in him. Not only it did cost him his wife, the evil force, the Siths conquered his mind and he turned against the same republic for which he vowed to serve. He killed younglinks in Zedi temple, destroyed millions of planets, created horror in universe. He had lost his own legs, hands and was living with machinery support for the rest of his life, he turned ruthless. He became "Darth Veda" from an innocent "Anakin Skywalker".

It all happened in a moment of indecision. It all happened while he was on the edge of emotional level of good and evil. With a tilt in that level it can permanently go to either way.

I compared myself with the same character, Anakin. I was surprised to find that I am more like that character, powerful, humble, true to all friends, poster boy, ability to achieve the impossible, but at the other hand the most vulnerable. I am always on the edge of tilting to the evil side. I am always too much protective. With little imbalance in force, I am susceptible to give away into the evil side.

I cried, I have always tried hard never ever to turn to the dark side, not for anything. May be in my deepest root, the good will always prevail, whatever it may be, just like Anakin. The transformed Darth Veda also finally turned good, though it required another force in the name of "Luke Skywalker", his own son to ignite that good in him.

I do not know, I am deeply confused, but I always feel that any moment, I can tilt and I fear that very much. I know the effect of turning to the dark side, losing everyone, torturing everyone and mis-utilizing power. And I hope that I do not give into the fear ever. But the fear is killing me day by day.

The only bright side till now is I am still on the good side. I am still "Anakin Skywalker", though I am on the verge of becoming as sinister as "Darth Veda" too. Now it all depends on the tilt, to which side that force will drag me. Fortunately for me, there are just enough friends to keep me in the good side so far. And I sincerely hope they will be with me so that I can live as "Anakin", not a "Lord Veda", for ever.

I know, the moment of indecision will come for me too one day, and that day will define my life for ever. I only hope for the beast to fend off the lucrative attraction of the dark side.

Everyday I get up and find myself relieved to be still as Anakin and with all my friends I will sail through and will not be in the edge. But it also depends on my will power, and I am confident that it will prevail. I can beat every odd by being good too, not by turning into the evil side.

P.S. This is a completely imaginary abstract writing and it does not meant to offend anyone. If anyone is offended by this post, I sincerely apologize.

P.S. I am really really grateful to all my friends who have been with me in all my hard times, I will never ever forget them, they are the ones for whom I am still "Anakin"